So, I've had a plan for a while... but I don't know whether to actually proceed.
I've always loved making things. I am quite crafty, and since we've been planning our wedding, I've had the chance to make and up-cycle various things. And, since I've been doing this, the amount of times that various other people have said 'Oh, I really love that ****', or 'Where did you get that picture?' and it's been things I've made - or photographed.
I was thinking of opening a shop on Etsy and sort of seeing how that goes. I've wanted to sell my photography for a long time... and other things.The obvious one is candles. I've been making candles since I was a teenager - I have quite a few tea-cup candles in my living room.
I'd love some constructive feedback about this... in the mean time, I'm slowly getting things set up...
Monday, 2 September 2013
Friday, 16 August 2013
Wednesday, 7 August 2013
Undertow
''Your brown eyes are my blue skies
They light up the rivers that the birds fly over
Better not to quench your thirst
Better not to be the first one diving in
Though you caught me and you know why
You breathe in the deepest part of the water..''
Tuesday, 6 August 2013
Exiting the Comfort Zone
So, at my kickboxing class tonight, we practised a few self-defense moves. I've probably blogged about this before, but bizarrely, self-defense always makes me super nervous. This is ironic because unfortunately there have been occasions in the past when knowing self-defense would have been REALLY USEFUL. I can only hope I have completed my quota and I won't ever need to use it.
Self-defense takes me out of my comfort zone, because I then have to think about a. the possibility of being attacked and b. what I would do about that. I don't like to think about this. Because I don't think about it hypothetically.
It's amazing how much I've come out of my comfort zone this year... and kickboxing has something to do with it. I'm always slightly amazed at what I can do now, compared to say, last year. Sure, I'm definitely not as fit as some of the crew that I train with, but you know, if someone had told me that I'd be keeping up with that kind of intense work out several years ago, I'd have laughed and had another biscuit.
ANYWAY - I digress - so just as we were doing this segment on self-defense, one of our instructors was talking about the difference between anger and aggression, which I think is really interesting. It got me thinking about how people deal with this. Aggression is an interesting concept. I think lots of guys like to pull this one out of the bag for show, but anger is something else altogether - aggression is the rehearsal for anger. It's almost an act, isn't it? Who hasn't seen a group of lads falling out of a pub on a Saturday night and picking on each other like kids in the play-ground. No-one knows each other, so no-one wants to back down. Anger/Rage are a different ball-game. I've been on the receiving end of proper full-blown rage before, and it's like industrial strength, corrosive anger. I've also felt that - so furious that the fist must go through the wall. The last time I felt rage, I punched a solid wooden fire door and didn't feel anything. I scarred my knuckles. Anger has passion and emotion behind it, which is not to be trifled with. This is why self-defense scares me... it's defense against someone who is very angry and who wants to hurt you. It's not a game.
And then I was thinking about self-defense generally. I honestly believe that the concept of stranger-danger is horribly damaging. Sure - don't trust strangers, that's probably a good idea... but we all got so side-tracked by the bogey man wearing the trench-coat, that we forgot to look at the people we know best. I mean - 59% of violent crime is committed by someone you know. The actual chance of you being singled out by a stranger is fairly low compared to you being assaulted by your partner- or even worse. Around 100 women are murdered in the UK by their current or ex-partner. And if you're not assaulted or murdered, chances are you might be a victim of rape.
Alas, I know a LOT of people that have experienced domestic violence. I have a serious issue with this kind of thing - it gets me up on my box ranting (like now). I realise how I must sound... but you know? More people need to talk about this. It doesn't get talked about enough.
Then, if you think about it - how often do we not trust our instincts? Our instructor mentioned personal space. I know that this has happened to me - someone gets in your personal space, you step away, they step up, you step away and they keep coming - you do nothing. You stand there, or try and talk, reason with said person. How many people are hurt by the failure to act, even when they know their instincts are correct? Maybe it's just me - but I think that there have been times when I have on a guttural level known that something was horribly wrong but not reacted until it was too late. Only afterwards I've wondered why I didn't do anything.
I suppose I'm trying to say - from a female point of view - I would encourage other women to learn kickboxing, or self-defense - whatever takes your fancy. There are tonnes of reasons why - and not just the ones above. There are way nicer reasons. I initially started because a. I'm fat and b. I wanted to make friends. But I'm finding more and more reasons that I'm glad that I do it - and not just for the physical benefits.
If you have any doubts, look at this cool picture of me kickboxing. This is way better than knitting.
Self-defense takes me out of my comfort zone, because I then have to think about a. the possibility of being attacked and b. what I would do about that. I don't like to think about this. Because I don't think about it hypothetically.
It's amazing how much I've come out of my comfort zone this year... and kickboxing has something to do with it. I'm always slightly amazed at what I can do now, compared to say, last year. Sure, I'm definitely not as fit as some of the crew that I train with, but you know, if someone had told me that I'd be keeping up with that kind of intense work out several years ago, I'd have laughed and had another biscuit.
ANYWAY - I digress - so just as we were doing this segment on self-defense, one of our instructors was talking about the difference between anger and aggression, which I think is really interesting. It got me thinking about how people deal with this. Aggression is an interesting concept. I think lots of guys like to pull this one out of the bag for show, but anger is something else altogether - aggression is the rehearsal for anger. It's almost an act, isn't it? Who hasn't seen a group of lads falling out of a pub on a Saturday night and picking on each other like kids in the play-ground. No-one knows each other, so no-one wants to back down. Anger/Rage are a different ball-game. I've been on the receiving end of proper full-blown rage before, and it's like industrial strength, corrosive anger. I've also felt that - so furious that the fist must go through the wall. The last time I felt rage, I punched a solid wooden fire door and didn't feel anything. I scarred my knuckles. Anger has passion and emotion behind it, which is not to be trifled with. This is why self-defense scares me... it's defense against someone who is very angry and who wants to hurt you. It's not a game.
And then I was thinking about self-defense generally. I honestly believe that the concept of stranger-danger is horribly damaging. Sure - don't trust strangers, that's probably a good idea... but we all got so side-tracked by the bogey man wearing the trench-coat, that we forgot to look at the people we know best. I mean - 59% of violent crime is committed by someone you know. The actual chance of you being singled out by a stranger is fairly low compared to you being assaulted by your partner- or even worse. Around 100 women are murdered in the UK by their current or ex-partner. And if you're not assaulted or murdered, chances are you might be a victim of rape.
Alas, I know a LOT of people that have experienced domestic violence. I have a serious issue with this kind of thing - it gets me up on my box ranting (like now). I realise how I must sound... but you know? More people need to talk about this. It doesn't get talked about enough.
Then, if you think about it - how often do we not trust our instincts? Our instructor mentioned personal space. I know that this has happened to me - someone gets in your personal space, you step away, they step up, you step away and they keep coming - you do nothing. You stand there, or try and talk, reason with said person. How many people are hurt by the failure to act, even when they know their instincts are correct? Maybe it's just me - but I think that there have been times when I have on a guttural level known that something was horribly wrong but not reacted until it was too late. Only afterwards I've wondered why I didn't do anything.
I suppose I'm trying to say - from a female point of view - I would encourage other women to learn kickboxing, or self-defense - whatever takes your fancy. There are tonnes of reasons why - and not just the ones above. There are way nicer reasons. I initially started because a. I'm fat and b. I wanted to make friends. But I'm finding more and more reasons that I'm glad that I do it - and not just for the physical benefits.
If you have any doubts, look at this cool picture of me kickboxing. This is way better than knitting.
Sunday, 28 July 2013
Can't STOP.
This weekend has been one of the nicest ones I can remember in a while.
I have gotten sooo much stuff done. After weeks of bitching about our spare room being basically full of crap, I cracked the whip yesterday and attacked that room, which is now completely clear and clean. The stuff that was in there, has been thrown away or stored. We found boxes in there that were still in there from when we moved in 18 months ago.
I also ended up cleaning most of the house, washing dishes, clothes, hoovering, sweeping, mopping, polishing... cleaned the chickens out, cleaned the window-sills. It's ridiculous... I work really hard during the week and don't get a huge amount of time. I get up at 6.30am, leave the house at 7.45am, get to work for about 8.45am, then I leave usually at about 5pm, hit all the traffic in the world, get home for about 6-6.30pm and then by the time I've showered and eaten it can be as late as 8pm. By which time I usually feel exhausted and not very much like doing anything. Then you have to factor in the fact that I go kickboxing two-three times a week, and usually try to hit the pool at least once a week. So once daily life is done, I always feel like I have NO free time. My point being, during the week I'm usually out of the house for about 11 hours a day, I also have insomnia - so I usually feel tired - by the end of the week, you'd think I'd feel that the best thing to do would be to relax and NOT DO ANYTHING at the weekend.
Oh no. I might sleep in for a while, but I find it incredibly difficult to stop and not do anything. I have multiple to-do lists. I can't switch off. I routinely think about work out of work time, I usually end up emailing myself with reminders to do certain things.
When I do have free time, I always feel like I have to be doing something. It's almost like I feel guilty for NOT doing anything. It's why, when I'm not away at weekends seeing friends or family, I'm constantly busy with various things that I need to do around the house. And annoyingly, a messy house really stresses me out... I can't relax if the place is untidy or needs cleaning. And, since we moved, the house is much bigger, which of course presents its own set of challenges. It's a nightmare to keep on top of everything.
I need a holiday. And a maid.
I have gotten sooo much stuff done. After weeks of bitching about our spare room being basically full of crap, I cracked the whip yesterday and attacked that room, which is now completely clear and clean. The stuff that was in there, has been thrown away or stored. We found boxes in there that were still in there from when we moved in 18 months ago.
I also ended up cleaning most of the house, washing dishes, clothes, hoovering, sweeping, mopping, polishing... cleaned the chickens out, cleaned the window-sills. It's ridiculous... I work really hard during the week and don't get a huge amount of time. I get up at 6.30am, leave the house at 7.45am, get to work for about 8.45am, then I leave usually at about 5pm, hit all the traffic in the world, get home for about 6-6.30pm and then by the time I've showered and eaten it can be as late as 8pm. By which time I usually feel exhausted and not very much like doing anything. Then you have to factor in the fact that I go kickboxing two-three times a week, and usually try to hit the pool at least once a week. So once daily life is done, I always feel like I have NO free time. My point being, during the week I'm usually out of the house for about 11 hours a day, I also have insomnia - so I usually feel tired - by the end of the week, you'd think I'd feel that the best thing to do would be to relax and NOT DO ANYTHING at the weekend.
Oh no. I might sleep in for a while, but I find it incredibly difficult to stop and not do anything. I have multiple to-do lists. I can't switch off. I routinely think about work out of work time, I usually end up emailing myself with reminders to do certain things.
When I do have free time, I always feel like I have to be doing something. It's almost like I feel guilty for NOT doing anything. It's why, when I'm not away at weekends seeing friends or family, I'm constantly busy with various things that I need to do around the house. And annoyingly, a messy house really stresses me out... I can't relax if the place is untidy or needs cleaning. And, since we moved, the house is much bigger, which of course presents its own set of challenges. It's a nightmare to keep on top of everything.
I need a holiday. And a maid.
Friday, 26 July 2013
First Dance Music
So I'm getting married next year, and have been having discussions with my long-suffering better half about what we're going to shuffle to as our first dance.
It's prompted some interesting conversations.
I LOVE Rock & Metal music. He does not. There are plenty of unconventional love songs out there, with absolutely beautiful words, but alas, not many people know them. And in the pastel-puke worthy world that is the typical wedding, most people plump for something uber-cheesy. I had hoped to avoid this and have something a. cool and b. that I like. After all, if you MUST dance like you're trying to move a large wardrobe around, at least do it to a song you like? But like Ian pointed out, the entire concept of the first dance is ridiculous, humiliating and embarrassing and we'll never get away with NOT doing it... so, and it's hard to argue against this, why not make it SO smoochy and cheese-tastic that it becomes ironic and privately amusing? He even suggested Three Times a Lady AND Barry White, to which I say NO! For the love of all things musically sacred NO. I have my limits.
Ian has come up with a lovely song that we probably will use, but in my fantasy land, I'd be shuffling to one of these: The Only Reason (Puddle of Mudd), I Was Married (Tegan & Sarah) or Yellow (Coldplay).
Wednesday, 24 July 2013
Ruminations on the Royal Baby
So, unless you've been living under a rock, you'll know that the newest member of the royal family - Prince George - has now arrived.
It seems to me that most people are thoroughly interested and excited about this, or couldn't care less about it. I would say that I am mostly ambivalent, although of course it's great to hear good news for a change.
My thoughts though, don't stem from what it means to have a monarchy in this day and age, or about whether or not it might be redundant or why... actually, I was thinking that baby George is going to grow up in the hypothetical goldfish bowl. His life will never be normal - in fact, it'll be mapped out for him from today. I was thinking about this and it occurred to me - isn't this true for most people?
I mean, most of us will end up in certain kinds of jobs, living in similar places.. I mean, how different are our lives anyway? In one of my favourite author's books, 'This is How' by Augusten Burroughs, he talks about how on a day to day basis most of us stay within a small geographical area. So the chance to do new things and to go to new places are minimal, unless we make a huge effort otherwise.
And, once you're settled into mediocrity, we do and say the same things over and over on a day to day basis. One of the things that bothers me most about my life is repetition... I try to make sure I do difference things. In the last year or two, I've been continually working on new photography projects and I've started kickboxing regularly. I've passed my driving test and started a new job. Fortunately, I'm at a point where I've got lots to look forward to and things to plan... namely my wedding. It is just the little things that are tedious. Housework is a perfect example of this. The routine of getting up and getting to and from work is another. They say don't sweat the small stuff, but I have to say it's the small stuff that pisses me off the most. It's the stuff that gets in the way.
Sometimes I wonder what would happen if we all were to get up one idle Tuesday and throw caution to the wind... to abandon time and routine. What would work be like if we didn't all continue to adhere to social codes, etiquette or civility. When I go to work I very much put my 'diplomatic' and 'friendly' head on - where I normally don't feel much like that. How much happier might we be? I'd love to never have to iron again. Or to think that I need to wash the dishes or that I've run out of cat food and have to go and buy some more. Would it be so bad if we were just ourselves and could do the things we really wanted to do? Of course this assumes that we want things to be different. I think most people seem fairly content with cheeseburgers, beer and TV and that is where the problem lies. But that's another topic for another day.
Maybe for baby George, it WILL be different. After all... he'll grow up with the world watching him, but equally, he'll be less constrained than the rest of us. After all, it won't be him scrubbing the toilet on a Thursday evening, or popping to the shop for milk. He'll be able to pursue whatever career he might want - or not - because nothing will be off limits. So, maybe he'll get a better deal than the rest of us drones after all...
Maybe for baby George, it WILL be different. After all... he'll grow up with the world watching him, but equally, he'll be less constrained than the rest of us. After all, it won't be him scrubbing the toilet on a Thursday evening, or popping to the shop for milk. He'll be able to pursue whatever career he might want - or not - because nothing will be off limits. So, maybe he'll get a better deal than the rest of us drones after all...
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